Real Housewives Of Miami Episode 5 Recap

Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Miami was another beach slap (their pun, not ours) to women, Hispanics, and human beings in general. Starting with Adriana who, in an effort to interest some viewers, decided to take on pole dancing. What? It's not trashy, she's just having fun. At least that's her logic.

To Adriana's credit, she had been very tense. Her ex is a deadbeat that won't pay child support, and she seemed unsure about her current boyfriend. But stripping when you're upset just seems like a recipe for disaster.

Marysol got married in Aspen early on in the episode. The couple was adamant about having a small, intimate wedding--just the two of them and the viewers of the reality show. They were both nervous, she got emotional, but it all makes us wonder just how real of an experience it could have been with an entire camera crew around them.

Alexia flirted with guest star William Levy, who posed for the cover of Venue, the magazine she owns in lovely Hialeah. This was Levy's second cover with Alexia, (She claims she discovered him.), and apparently the first one was a big seller. Though who could resist a magazine with the actor of this gem in the cover?

Alexia also got in a car accident. (Successfully driving to places seems like a big challenge in the lives of these women.) This prevented her from making it to a fashion show where she was supposed to be the grand finale. Luckily Cristy was there to suck up all the attention. But let's look at a photo of William Levy shirtless from behind-the-scenes of his Venue photo shoot instead.

Cristy was late to Larsa's cooking party, which isn't uncommon in their social circle. Once the women were gathered, Alexia mentioned that stupid fight that's been brewing for weeks now: Cristy crashed Lea's charity event and Lea sent her the bill for the ticket. Lea was upset, Cristy was upset, Larsa was upset... at the very least Alexia's lack of tact might free us from this issue in future episodes. But if we learned anything from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, that's probably not going to be the case.